Christmas Humor

"Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends."
- Larry Wilde

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."
- Bernard Manning

"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."
- Unknown

"There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas."
- Robert Lynd

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."
- Victor Borge

"Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year."
- P. J. O'Rourke

"Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?"
- Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

"A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing."
- Jay Leno

"Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family... "
- Berke Breathed

"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet."
- Unknown

"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space."
- Dave Barry

More Christmas Resources for Youth Groups
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