Cowboy's Guide to Life

DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON: A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE
by Texas Bix Bender

• Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
• There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
• Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• Never ask a man the size of his spread.
• After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
• If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
• It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
• Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
• When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
• Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.