Really a Mom

YOU KNOW YOU’RE REALLY A MOM WHEN...

• You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
• You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
• You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
• You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
• Your child throws up and you catch it.
• Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.
• You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
• You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.
• Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of the doctor’s office, and you do it.
• You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.
• You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
• You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
• You hate the thought of his wife even more.
• You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.
• You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.
• You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.
• You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.
• You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes."
• You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
• You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is "above average."
• You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job," but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.