Barriers to Communication with Youth

Ordering
Telling the youth what he/she should do. For example, “Stop complaining that your Spanish teacher gave you a failing grade. Go into school tomorrow and talk to her about it.”

Threatening
Telling a youth to do something, “or else . . .” - suggesting there’s only one acceptable course of action. For example, “If you don’t start studying more, I’m not going to work with you on your school work any more.”

Preaching
Telling youth how to act or behave - usually has a moralistic, ‘this is the right thing to do’ tone. For example, “You shouldn’t talk about other people like that.”

Avoiding
Trying to avoid problems or uncomfortable situations in the hope that they may go away on their own. For example, “Oh, let’s not talk about that. It’s so depressing! Let’s try to find something happy to think about.”

Pacifying
Trying to make a youth feel better without really addressing the problem. For example: if a youth says, “I feel bad because I was really mean to my little sister!” You reply, “Oh, don’t worry about it, I did the same thing many times.” Even though you may be sincere, you haven’t helped the youth resolve the issue.

Lecturing
Giving your youth unsolicited advise. For example, “If you want to get ahead in life you must really go to college. You should really work harder in school so that you can get into college.”