Category | Humor

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I. Though we, the “Greetor,” wish you well In our Holiday Entreaty,
We limit all your claims, Dear Friend (Herinafter called the “Greetee”).

II. We wish you dreams of Sugar Plums And dancing Christmas Lights,
But if these Fancies come to Naught You have no Vested Rights.

III. In no case shall we be at fault In Implied Claims of Fitness,
And all Writs of Depression must Be Sworn before a Witness.

IV. Although our Approbations Are Warranted full free
Of Defects in Sincerity There is no Guaranty.

V. Whenever there’s a Conflict These, our Contract Terms, will rule;
The “Greetee” then is on his own To have a Happy Yule.

VI. We hope that You, Your Kith and Kin Find Christmas Viability;
But if You don’t, note now that We Decline all Liability.

VII. So if you don’t hear Sleigh Bells ring, Or smell the fresh cut Pines,
You have, “Greetee,” Released our Firm, Successors, and Assigns.

VIII. And if Our Heartfelt Christmas Wish By Counter Claim is marred,
We may, at our Sole Option, Repossess this Christmas Card.

(C) Edward C. McManus (written in 1975 for Datamation Magazine)
Visit his blog at

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