According to a study of Big Brothers, Big Sisters in the USA, one of the largest mentoring organizations in the world

1. Be a friend
   • Don’t act like a parent
   • Don’t try to be an authority figure
   • Don’t preach about values
   • DO FOCUS ON THE BOND
2. Have realistic goals and expectations
   • Focus on overall development, not performance and change
   • Center initial goals on the relationship itself
   • Emphasize friendship over performance
3. Have fun together
   • Youth spell love – TIME
   • Informal activities lay the foundation for formal ones
   • Shared activities become great discussion starters
4. Give your protégé voice and choice in deciding activities
   • Help them to explore possibilities and then make their choices
   • Listen more than you talk
   • Question more than you Preach
5. Be positive
   • Praise and encouragement build self-esteem
   • Be supportive rather than critical – focus on solutions rather than problems
6. Let the protégé have much of the control over what the two of you talk about
   • Don’t push, be patient
   • Be sensitive and responsive to cues
   • Let them know that can confide in you without you becoming judgmental
7. Listen
   • Let youth vent without criticizing them
   • When you listen they see you as a friend, not an authority figure
8. Respect the trust your protégé places in you
   • Respond in ways that show you understand. This is not the same as agree
   • Reassure the protégé that you are there for them
   • Advice should not be dispensed but mutually discovered
   • If you have to convey concern or displeasure, do it with caring and understanding
   • Sound like a friend not a parent… youth easily discern the difference
9. Remember your relationship is with the youth and not the youth’s parent
   • Maintain cordial contact, but you are not there to be a spy for parents. You are there to be a champion for the youth
   • Keep your focus on the youth
   • You are not there to bring about the parents wishes, but to help the youth discover their potential
   • Be non-judgmental about the family
10. You are responsible for building the relationship
    • Take responsibility for making and maintaining contact
    • Don’t expect adult to adult relationships

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