Would You Like to Hold Him?

December 17, 2005 kensapp Leave a comment

It doesn’t say it in the Bible, but can’t you picture those dirty shepherds, smelling like sheep coming to the manger that night to adore and worship with child. Then Mary says, “Would you like to hold him?” They say, “No that is okay, we are not really cleaned up.”

To that Mary says, “You yourself said ‘He is the Savior born to you, who is Christ the Lord,’ draw him close to your heart, touch him. He has come for you.”

No wonder they returned, glorifying and praising God, for the God that was far away, came to touch them, to dwell with them. You see, shepherds at the time of Jesus were scorned as shiftless, dishonest people who grazed their flocks on others’ lands. These were the outcasts, and God came to them to tell them of his coming.

While we don’t know for certain how the shepherds looked or smelled when they came to Christ, we do know that the announcement wasn’t made to the rich and famous, but to the poor and lowly. There’s a place for everyone at the foot of Christ. Gather around the manger. Smell the hay. Don’t worry about getting cleaned up. That’s why he came. You can’t get cleaned up. Just come as you are. Come let us adore him. Christ came so that your sins, your life, might be cleaned as white as snow. Come. Let us worship him!

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Food for Thought

If Jesus Were Born Today

December 17, 2005 kensapp Leave a comment

Child advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother when they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the child’s father) in a barn. In most jurisdictions that would constitute child neglect. Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to represent her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be out of luck once it was determined that paternity could not be established within a reasonable degree of medical certainty through blood or DNA testing (97% probablilty that Joe was the dad is sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldn’t happen, hmmm?). He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the proceeding and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and asses around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary (by their own admissions they had not yet consummated their union).

The Division of Children and Familly Services would ask the court to order Mary to take parenting classes, and the Court would order that homemaker services be provided as well, since obviously Mary can’t keep house properly (the place where the DHS workers forund the child was kept remarkably like a barn). Mary would be allowed to have one visit with Jesus per week at the Centers for Youth and Families. The visit would be one hour long, and supervised by a therapist since Jesus would no doubt be put in therapeutic foster care to prevent psychological damage resulting from the horrible lack of civilization to which he had been exposed at such a tender age.

At the eighteen month dispositional hearing, the court would consider terminating parental rights because of Mary’s refusal to bring a paternity suit against Jesus’ true biological father (or even to identify him to the satisfaction of the Court). The Court would be appalled at the life choices Mary would have made: she would have completed her marriage to Joseph (that suspected sexual deviant) and had more children by him, which was obviously contrary to Jesus’ best interest.

Since Mary and Joseph had fled the jurisdiction with Jesus once to escape encounters with the authorities, they would determine that Mary and Joe had nefarious plans to abscond with the Ward of the State to Egypt again, where they would possibly engage in dangerous and illegal activities with him. Parental rights would be terminated, and Jesus would be put up for adoption.

He would be adopted by the Herods, a well-connected and politically powerful family, who have been searching for just such a child as Jesus. Of course, Jesus will die in the custody of his adoptive family, because that’s all they wanted him for in the first place. Social services will NOT have intervened prior to his death because the state social workers could never imagine someone as highly placed as the Herods exploiting children or torturing them to death. The political ramifications for the Herods would have been too severe. In all likelihood, the social service agencies would cover up the death as one occurring from accident, and Herod’s good name will be preserved.

Humor

Cajun Night Before Christmas

December 17, 2005 kensapp 3 Comments

Twas the night before Christmas an’ all t’ru de house,
Dey don’t a ting pass Not even a mouse.
De chirren been nezzle good snug on de flo’,
An’ Mama pass de pepper t’ru de crack on de do’.

De Mama in de fireplace done roas’ up de ham,
Sit up de gumbo an’ make de bake yam.
Den out on de by-you dey got such a clatter,
Make soun’ like old Boudreau done fall off his ladder.

I run like a rabbit to got to de do’,
Trip over de dorg an’ fall on de flo’.
As I look out de do’in de light o’ de moon,
I t’ink, “Mahn, you crazy or got ol’ too soon.”

Cux dere on de by-you w’en I stretch ma’neck stiff,
Dere’s eight alligator a pullin’ de skiff.
An’ a little fat drover wit’ a long pole-ing stick,
I know r’at away got to be ole St.Nick.

Mo’ fas’er an’ fas’er de’ gator dey came
He whistle an’ holler an’ call dem by name:
“Ha, Gaston! Ha, Tiboy! Ha, Pierre an’ Alcee’!
Gee, Ninette! Gee, Suzette! Celeste an’Renee’!

To de top o’ de porch to de top o’ de wall,
Make crawl, alligator, an’ be sho’ you don’ fall.”
Like Tante Flo’s cat t’ru de treetop he fly,
W’en de big ole houn’ dorg come a run hisse’s by.

Like dat up de porch dem ole ‘gator clim!
Wit’ de skiff full o’ toy an’ St. Nicklus behin’.
Den on top de porch roof it soun’ like de hail,
W’en all dem big gator, done sot down dey tail.

Den down de chimney I yell wit’ a bam,
An’ St.Nicklus fall an’ sit on de yam.
“Sacre!” he axclaim, “Ma pant got a hole
I done sot ma’se’f on dem red hot coal.”

He got on his foots an’ jump like de cat
Out to de flo’ where he lan’ wit’ a SPLAT!
He was dress in musk-rat from his head to his foot,
An’ his clothes is all dirty wit’ ashes an’ soot.

A sack full o’ playt’ing he t’row on his back,
He look like a burglar an’ dass fo’ a fack.
His eyes how dey shine his dimple, how merry!
Maybe he been drink de wine from de blackberry.

His cheek was like a rose his nose a cherry,
On secon’ t’ought maybe he lap up de sherry.
Wit’ snow-white chin whisker an’ quiverin’ belly,
He shook w’en he laugh like de stromberry jelly!

But a wink in his eye an’ a shook o’ his head,
Make my confi-dence dat I don’t got to be scared.
He don’ do no talkin’ gone strit to hi work,
Put a playt’ing in sock an’ den turn wit’ a jerk.

He put bot’ his han’ dere on top o’ his head,
Cas’ an eye on de chimney an’ den he done said:
“Wit’ all o’ dat fire an’ dem burnin’ hot flame,
Me I ain’ goin’ back by de way dat I came.”

So he run out de do’ an, he clim’ to de roof,
He ain’ no fool, him for to make one more goof.
He jump in his skiff an’ crack his big whip,
De’ gator move down, An don’ make one slip.

An’ I hear him shout loud as a splashin’ he go,
“Merry Christmas to all ’til I saw you some mo’!”

Author: J. B. Kling, Jr., 1973
Source: Unknown

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Teaching Illustrations

Christmas 10 Commandments

December 17, 2005 kensapp Leave a comment

I. Thou shalt not leave “Christ” out of Christmas, making it “Xmas.” To some, “X” is unknown.
II. Thou shalt prepare thy soul for Christmas. Spend not so much on gifts that thy soul is forgotten.
III. Thou shalt not let Santa Claus replace Christ, thus robbing the day of its spiritual reality.
IV. Thou shalt not burden the shop girl, the mailman, and the merchant with complaints and demands.
V. Thou shalt give thyself with thy gift. This will increase its value a hundred fold, and he who receiveth it shall treasure it forever.
VI. Thou shalt not value gifts received by their cost. Even the least expensive may signify love, and that is more priceless than silver and gold.
VII. Thou shalt not neglect the needy. Share thy blessings with many who will go hungry and cold unless thou are generous.
VIII. Thou shalt not neglect thy church. Its services highlight the true meaning of the season.
IX. Thou shalt be as a little child. Not until thou has become in spirit as a little one art thou ready to enter into the kingdom of Heaven.
X. Thou shalt give thy heart to Christ. Let Him be at the top of thy Christmas list.

Source: Unknown

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Humor

The Night Before Christmas in Texas

December 16, 2005 kensapp Leave a comment

Twas the night before Christmas in Texas, you bet,
But no one’d seen Santa; he hadn’t come yet.
The chaps were all hung up, the boots neatly shined,
While out on the plains a right tough windstorm whined.

And Santa was in it, with reindeer and sleigh.
He’d blown in from Brownsville, down Mexico way.
He was squinting from dust and his beard had turned brown.
The reindeer were squealing; the sleigh sinking down,

Till it lurched to a stop near the hills of Big Bend.
Santa said, “Here we’ll wait for this dust storm to end.
The sleigh’s overloaded with great Texas toys.
It’s too hard to steer in the dust and the noise!”

Now the problem was time; he had Texas to cross
and the night passing fast. Should he get a hoss?
But no horse was nearby; only longhorns around.
“I don’t trust ’em,” says Rudolph, a pawin’ the ground.

So they huddled to ponder just what could be done
To deliver those toys for the kids’ Christmas fun.
Things were downright disgusting, when suddenly came
A small Texas voice calling Santa by name…

“Howdy Santa! Ah’ll help! Ah know just where tuh go,
The way tuh the great Texas Rangers ah’ll show.
They kin do it, ah know,” chirped the odd little fellow.
“Well, by jiminey,” says Rudolph, “it’s a real armadillo.”

With a leader, the team quickly moved north by east,
Left the dust storm in Abilene – what a relief!
All the Rangers were called and they split up that load,
And giving a whoop, all directions they rode!

San Antonio children all sleeping just so
Heard, “Y’all have a good one! ‘Member the Alamo!”
Now Santa could fly; there was no time to waste.
On toward Dallas and Houston the sleigh sped with haste.

Heard the band still performing at Billy Bob’s bar,
And dropped 10-gallon hats and new boots at the door.
He swept into Dallas, now feeling quite jolly,
On Pegasus’ neck placed a small wreath of holly.

He rounded Reunion Tower heading toward Irving,
To visit the Cowboys – there’s none more deserving!
Dropped a big load of footballs, bid the skyline goodbye,
“Seasons Greetings,” he called, and turned south on the fly.

All the oil towers were lighted; the air seemed alive
As he headed toward Houston on I-45.
At the Astrodome, someone had left him a treat –
Fresh barbecue, chili, and nachos to eat!

“Oh, how I love Texas!” Santa sang with high cheer,
As he passed Neiman Marcus drinking Lone Star “root” beer.
His huge load of toys got dropped off, one by one.
To each sleeping child and his dad and his mum.

Then heading toward Beaumont, the whole team took flight
“Merry Christmas to Texas! and to all a Goodnight!”

Author: Catherine Smith

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Humor

PC Christmas Carols

December 16, 2005 kensapp Leave a comment

See if you can figure out these Politically Correct versions of classic Christmas Carols.

1. I’m Envisioning a Culturally Diverse December 25th with a Covering of Crystalized Water Particles of Non-Color

2. Noise Pollution-Free Evening, Spiritually Empowered Evening

3. O Botanical Growth with Special Meaning Attributed to December 25

4. This Unit of Royal Males Cominng from Eastern Geographic Locations

5. Higher Power (of your Understanding) Grant Serenity to Your Jocular Males of Distiinguishable Breeding

6. Deprivation of Sadness to the Conglomerate of Nations Found on this Bioshpere

7. Actively Listen! The Communication Spirit Guides of Heaven are Doing Music

8. O Small Community of the Middle East

9. Temporarily Relocated in Alternative Housing Shared with Nonndomesticated Animal Companions

10. Recognized Catholic Icon Named Nicholas Who is a Euphoric Senior Citizen

11. Societally sanctioned persons of the male persuasion who profess a patriarchal and Eurocentric creed, be positively emotionally inhanced.

12. Please reveal the identity of the chronologically challenged individual for which such information is being requested.

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Game Ideas

Christmas Snowflake Race

December 16, 2005 kensapp Leave a comment

Materials
Soap bubble blower with an ample supply of soapy water.

Activity
Since snowflakes have a tendency to melt, use bubbles instead. One team member in each group is given a soap bubble blower with an ample supply of soapy water. The other two members of each team are given fans. At the signal “Go,” the soap blower from each team blows a bubble. The other two team members then proceed to try and fan that bubble across the room. The soap blower follows behind them. If any team’s soap bubble breaks before it can be fanned across the goal line, then the soap bubble blower blows another bubble at the point where the last one broke. The first team to get a soap bubble across the goal line is the winner. Use a committee of judges to ensure that everything proceeds according to the rules.

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Devotional

Ordinary

December 16, 2005 kensapp Leave a comment

Read Luke 2:8-14 from your Bible

A weary day in the fields, the shepherds are watching their flocks. It is an ordinary day, probably no different than any other. The shepherds are hot, dirty, sweaty, and smelling of sheep. Many, not able to get a jobs anywhere else, had resorted to being shepherds.

But to these lowly Shepherds God sent his most magnificent angels to announce, “Christ will be born to YOU! He is to be born in a stable, clothed in rags and lying in a feed trough.” He knows what it is to be lowly. He has humbled himself so that all men might be raised to join the Heavenly Father in His Glory! He would be visited by the wealthy magi, as well as, the humble shepherds. High and low, weak and strong, rich and poor, male and female, servant and master, everyone is invited to meet the Prince of Peace.

Christ has always brought joy to the ordinary, peace to the weary, and hope to the lowly! Everyone is invited to receive his blessing. It does not matter who you are, or what kind of work you do, Christ was born to YOU!

Christ does not love us for our position, for our money, or for our connections. Christ loves us because of who He is! He loves us not because of anything we have done, but because of what he has done. He was born to die for the sins of all men that we all might have the opportunity to be saved!

Thank God for his glorious gift that brings peace and joy to every ordinary person on any ordinary day!

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Game Ideas

Christmas Meltdown

December 16, 2005 kensapp Leave a comment

Materials
Large ice cubes of equal size for each team.

Game Play
Place each team in a line with the players standing behind each other. Give the first person in each line a large ice cube of equal size. At the signal “Go” each leader places the ice cube on the back of the neck of the one behind him, who must stoop over. This person then tries to balance the ice cube on his neck as long as he can. The person who placed it on his neck slips to the end of the line. (Everyone else stays in place through the game) As soon as it slips off he must either catch it or pick it up from the floor and IMMEDIATELY place it on the neck of the next person. This continues until the cube has gone all the way to the end of the line, and has been placed on the neck of the one who started the game.

Game Objective
The winning team is not the one which gets the ice cube to the end of the line first, but the one which is able to take the longest time to get the ice cube to the end of the line! Have a committee of judges on hand to see to it that no one dawdles along the way. As soon as the ice cube is dropped, it must be immediately picked up and placed on the neck of the next person. The only delay of time can come about when one is able to keep the ice cube from slipping off his neck.

Additional Rules
The use of hands is strictly forbidden except in moving the ice cube from one person to another.

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Teaching Illustrations

Please Come In

December 16, 2005 kensapp Leave a comment

My mother, a teacher, was having a hard time settling on a suitable role for one of her students in the Grade 3 Christmas pageant. Finally, she decided he should be the innkeeper, a role she felt he could handle. All he had to do was tell Joseph, “There is no room at the inn.”

Everything went fine at rehearsals, but when Joseph begged for a room for his pregnant wife during the first performance, the lad didn’t have the heart to turn him down. To everyone’s surprise, he said, “If it’s so urgent, please come in.”

That is exactly right on the money. Christmas is God saying to us, His heart is opened to all of us, He will NOT turn us down, or turn us away. There is room at heaven’s inn.

SOURCE: Alex Domokos of Winnipeg told in Readers Digest, Dec. 2004

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