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  • Try to understand that the cat is from Venus, and I am from Mars.
  • I will try to leave the cat alone, once in a while.
  • I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
  • Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
  • Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
  • To always scoot before licking.
  • Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
  • January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd – December 31st: Re-live victory over the sock.
  • I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
  • Next time I fart I will not whimper – so that someone else gets the blame
  • I will worry less about things I can’t eat and play with
  • To smell more things that look interesting
  • To pick more fights with shoes and pillows
  • To take more opportunities to forget what I am doing and nap instead
  • Pay more attention to fallen cactus to avoid owies on the walk.
  • To hog the bed; stretch & spread out; hog the covers.
  • Stretch out on the couch in such a way where there‚Äôs no room for peoples or the pets
  • Only reserve kisses for times after making a public display of licking my butt or burping.
  • Counter surf more discreetly.
  • Have my way with the roll of toilet paper. Drag and decorate DIY style throughout the house. Martha Stewart would be proud.
  • Greet strangers with gusto. (Notice ME!)
  • Wag more, bark less.
  • Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
  • I will stay out of the trash, off the counters, and certainly never eat snacks from my boy’s backpack.
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