Category | Humor

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* Cover me. I’m changing lanes.
* I brake for no apparent reason.
* Forget about World Peace…Visualize using your turn signal.
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* I love cats…they taste just like chicken.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
* Born free…Taxed to death.
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
* Montana — At least our cows are sane!
* I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
* Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
* IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
* It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
* Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
* Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
* Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

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