Politically Correct Youth Ministry

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  • A youth’s bedroom isn’t cluttered; it’s “passage-restrictive.”
  • Youth don’t get in trouble anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.”
  • Youth don’t have a bad hair day; they’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.”
  • No one’s tall anymore. They’re “vertically enhanced.”
  • Youth are not shy. They’re “conversationally selective.”
  • Youth don’t talk a lot. They’re just “abundantly verbal.”
  • Youth don’t gossip anymore. It’s “transmission of near-factual information.”
  • The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s “digestively challenged.”
  • A youth’s homework isn’t missing; it’s just having an “out-of-notebook experience.”
  • Youth don’t sleeping in class; they’re “rationing consciousness.”
  • Youth don’t have smelly gym socks; they have “odor-retentive athletic footwear.”
  • Youth don’t pass notes in class. They are “participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations.”
  • Youth aren’t sent to the principal’s office. They’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.”

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